≡ Menu

Santa Barbara Babies


There is a royal wedding on a bluff that overlooks the shore in Santa Barbara. It is a glorious day and we, invited guests, are sitting on tufted ottomans waiting for the bride to be presented. The minister announces that the bride will be making her entrance and tells us to look at the sky, high above the horizon. Blowing through the sky are miles of gilded emerald, amber, cobalt, and ruby silk spirals.

The bride begins to walk down the glistening, winding, fabric stairway toward the gathering. Every man in the gathering walks to the altar and she marries the entire group. The women tell me that after the wedding the men will give birth to giant tortoises that will be the new race with the highly evolved consciousness we have all been praying for.

Realizing I did not purchase a wedding present, I walk to the department store, with their tortoise babies following me. When I scan the registry it has items like hay for tortoise food, desert sand, a pond, and palm trees for their shade.